Hi guys! This is the first entry of the blog I’ve always
wanted to work on… Francis And I.
And in celebration of our 115th year of
Independence as a nation, or so we think, I want to share with you this entry,
as I talk about moving on, and finally setting myself free from a feeling I’ve
held on for the past four years of my life.
More than four years ago, I met this boy. He came at a
perfect time in my life. He brought sunshine back in my life. My heart was
filled with love… That kind of love I never thought I’d feel again. Something I
wished not to experience again.
But that was four years ago. Now, after that long period of
time, I can finally say that I am moving on.
Those years that I loved this boy really taught me the best
lessons in life. Witnesses to the friendship we’ve formed can attest to this:
that he really brought out the best, and the worst in me. In him, I found a
best friend, a confidante… I learned to dream again. He inspired me to pursue
whatever it is that I’ve always wanted. After such a long time, I really wanted
to make things right again in my life. Wherever I am now, he really drove me to
reach for it…
But I realized how clingy, possessive I can be, because of
him. I never realized that I was making him feel uncomfortable, many times. I
was insensitive. All the while, I thought I was doing the right thing. I
demanded a lot. I kept in saying that I didn’t want anything in return, but in
reality, it was the other way around. My world revolved around him… I
befriended some of his friends. I tried to make myself part of his world. And I
was wrong… So wrong.
Ours was a friendship filled with so many ups and downs, if
we didn’t fight to make it work, it already ended years ago. Yes, if there’s
one thing I am most grateful for him, even if I was at my worst, he never gave
up on me. From there I realized that…
Yes, he values me as a friend. It was something I’ve always wanted him to
verbalize: that he wants me and loves me, as a friend. But looking back at all
we’ve been through, he has proven through his actions the friendship I’ve
always wished from him. Guess I was just too blinded by that “love” for him; I
went overboard so many times. He is the kindest person. I have to give it to
him for his patience on me and my childishness…
I don’t see much of him lately, but we keep in touch.
Everytime I see his Twitter or Facebook posts, I can’t help but smile, and be
proud of him. He has come a long way. He is about to graduate in college, and
slowly his dreams are coming true. I’ve always believed in his talents.
Sometimes, he feels that I believe so much in him. Albeit my personal feelings
for him, I have faith that he can really go a long way. He’s talented,
good-looking… Some of my celebrity friends even agree. And he is happy now.
Though he doesn’t talk much about it, but I can see the twinkle in his eyes. He
is in love. And I’m happy to see him happy. Really.
I’m moving on. He will always be in my heart, of course. I
even like to think that I will never love the same again, the way I loved him.
But this is best for me, for us. I just want our friendship to stay the way it
is… For now, I’m contented with the “happy kilig” some cute guys around are
making me feel. I’m the luckiest gay man, I think, to be surrounded by some of
the most handsome guys.
And I have my work – I’m living a dream! That person will
come, I know. I’m just keeping my faith.
“If I have only one friend left, I want it to be you…”
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